


Social Media For Elders Handbook.

by missfalcon51



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: A MESS LMAO, David is a genie okay, Fuck This, Rituals, freddie came back from the dead, fuck everything, so did darling david
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:28:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22426345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missfalcon51/pseuds/missfalcon51
Summary: Brian just wants to figure out how to use Instagram. He shouldn’t have called Roger.Set in 2020.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	Social Media For Elders Handbook.

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t even know. Me and my partner just started taking about this earlier today, and then I got sleep deprived and wrote the bloody thing.

“Are you sure this is how you do it?” Brian looked a bit skeptical as Roger painted a large pentagram on the floor, and lit some candles around it. “All I need to do is send a voice message on Instagram.”

Roger nodded, turning out the lights and dragging Brian towards the pentagram. “This is what the ‘Social Media For Elders’ book told me to do. We should also be able to make live videos this way.

Brian shuffled towards the dangerous looking arrangement on the floor. The candles flickered at the points of the pentagram painted in red paint. 

You see, Brian hadn’t been able to figure out how to send voice messages on Instagram, and so he had asked Roger for help. Roger had turned up at his doorstep a few minutes later armed with red paint, candles, and a Social Media For Seniors book.

‘I’m sure this is what the book says to do.’ Roger had assured him many times.

They stood at opposite sides of the painting on the floor, and Roger began to chant the magic words, holding the book for reference.

“Enjoy your days in the modern age with the help of this book.” He chanted, eyes full of danger and power.

Brian watched him fearfully, but trustingly. Roger was better with technology, he knew what he was doing, Right? 

“...With easy to read instructions and bold print...” Roger continued the words to the magic chant he needed to perform. The candles were flickering more than ever now, and Brian was getting scared.

Roger took a deep breath and shouted the last line that would hopefully solve their technical blip.

“THIS BOOK WILL MAKE YOUR ADVENTURES IN THE TECHNOLOGICAL AGE WORTHWHILE!” He screamed wilfully, arms held high above his head. Brian trembled with fear as the curtains pulled themselves shut, the candles all blew out, and the vases on the shelves began to rattle.

“Are you sure this is how to send voice messages?” Brian yelled over the noise of things falling to the floor.

“I know what I’m doing, okay?” Roger called back, though he wasn’t too sure how strong that statement was.

The rattling noise was soon followed by a sudden flash of lightning outside, and it all just kept getting louder and louder and louder and louder.

Until suddenly, the candles re lit themselves. The noise stopped, leaving them all plunged into a relieving silence.

Brian looked at Roger, looking very exasperated and confused.

“Rog, what-“

All of a sudden, a glowing, purple smoke in the middle of the pentagram shocked them both back into silence. They both trembled beneath it as it great taller and taller, twisting like a wild tornado. It spun faster and faster, growing taller and taller, until all of a sudden, it kind of... poofed?

In its place, stood a very familiar looking genie-type-thing.

“David?” Brian’s jaw hit the floor. It was his old mate, David Bowie! Although he had come back in the form of some kind of genie. In place of his legs, he was a tail of purple smoke, which billowed up around him majestically.

“Why the fuck did you have to wake me up?” He placed his hands on his hips, looking at them both, pretty annoyed. “I was having a bomb-ass nap!”

Roger piped up. “I- Were sorry David! We were just trying to figure out how to use a feature on Instagram.”

David rolled his eyes, tutting. “You two are bloody hopeless with technology. Why didn’t you ask your wife, Roger?”

“I don’t know.” Roger shrugged, “I thought I could figure it out for myself.”

David sighed, pulling out a small mirror and touching up his eyeliner. “Anyways, I’m the Jean Genie...” he sniggered at the pun he made of his own song, “And you have three wishes.”

Brian blinked. He wasn’t expecting any of this.

“Can we... be able to send voice messages on Instagram?” Brian asked quietly, “That’s all I wanted out of this situation!”

David shrugged. “Yeah okay. Done. Anything else?”

“Ooh!” Roger bounced on his tip-toes, “Can I have a new hoover? My old one got clogged up with cat hair and I don’t know how to order a new one.”

David shrugged. “That’s not a bad wish, actually.” He shot a beam of light from the end of his eyeliner pen into the corner of the room and a sparkly vacuum cleaner appeared.

“Oh it’s beautiful!” Roger whispered, close to tears. “You’re the best, David!”

The genie grinned, blowing him a kiss in a camp manner.

Before anyone could do anything else, the door to the room opened, and Freddie poked his head in.

“Yeah, no shit, I’m here too” He waltzed in, closing the door behind him. “One minute I was having a tea party with Jim and Tiffany, and the next I’m in your house.”

David started filing his nails nonchalantly, while Brian and Roger stared at him in disbelief.

“Don’t try to understand technology, boys.” He shook his head disapprovingly.

“F-Fred!” It had taken Roger a moment to compute what was going on, but now his face had filled with glee as he saw his friend for the first time in 28 years. “I’ve missed you so much!”

Freddie tilted his head to the side, smiling. “Aw, Rog! That’s so-“

It all happened in a flash.

Roger made the grave mistake of running towards Freddie to hug him, completely forgetting that you should never break the pentagram once you are inside of it.

“NOOOOOOO!” Brian, David, and Freddie all yelled as Roger’s foot exited the binding line.

But it was too late.

The next thing Brian knew, he was on the floor, along with David, Freddie, and Roger.

“What the fuck happened?” Brian gasped as he realised that his arms flopped helplessly when he tried to move them. They just bent at weird angles that they shouldn’t be bending at.

“Roger, you idiot!” Freddie groaned, trying to lift his own floppy body from the floor. “You’ve made our bones disappear!”

Groans of annoyance filled the room as the four men lay about, wriggling like worms.

Brian never did get to send that voice message.


End file.
